Standing

Sitting on the diving board, peering into the deep end, trying not to jump in....
I see, the cracks on the ground, the drain, little floating imperfections on the surface...painted concrete...bugs...drops of water springing from the source and dropping back into little glimmers of sunlight kissing water, embracing the rippled flow of steadfast bleached mineral, encased in this safe, man made invention of bliss.

I hear, the wind in my ears, the breeze wrapping around the trees, enveloping the bristles with static consistency...cries of excitement, muttered conversations about everything and nothing at all...

I feel the confidence of being able to swim and navigate my way through the deep and shallow ends, full of muscle memory and an open heart for new strokes, taking me to new places and leading me to new bits of sunlight. I leave behind the darkness of spots that lack clarity and swim to new spaces that are unfamiliar but emanate potential....

My feet land on the ground and I spin, feeling the sun around my skin and hair and face....I let go and float. I don't worry. I remain aware of the present moment and see the world in front of me as only a human could.

I get back on the diving board and walk to the edge.
I acknowledge the fear. I look anyways and plot my next move.
It needn't be perfect. It can't be anymore.
I reach my hand out the the water and let my fingertips touch the fragile details of the perfect waves. I see the imperfection and want it anyway...I pull my hands away and let the water drip off...
I sit and let my feet dangle... at times, my legs get splashed...I don't flinch.
I let it be.
I contemplate slipping and letting myself fall, not dive or jump but organically descend into the welcoming warm water below...
I look again.....I see, the cracks on the ground, the drain, little floating imperfections on the surface...painted concrete...bugs...drops of water springing from the source and dropping back into little glimmers of sunlight kissing water, embracing the rippled flow of steadfast bleached mineral, encased in this safe, man made invention of bliss.

I stand up and begin to leave, already searching for another portal to the pool.
I possess perspective. I know what's there.
I'm just waiting for the right moment to consciously connect with the deep end that exists before me....

I jump off the diving board.
My arms reach, hands extend, eyes lifted and my breath supports the leap.
I fly through the air, ready....
my hair is lifted by wind and nurtured by sunlight.
my legs are strong and willing, whatever the next cue.
I trust and let go...

My feet hit the concrete.
It's grey.