Windowsills

I walk briskly
the city lights change
the traffic moves at steady pace.
It's all smiles and business these days.
The schedule continues, almost taking off without me.
I just follow the bread and butter I set up before...
I turn onto the quiet city street.
a detour if you will.

I pause and stare.
There they are, wine in hand, friends, appetizers.
The tv is on. It's only 8pm. They are in for the evening.
But they still wear their sweaters.
And why shouldn't they be on this cold winter night?

I pause and stare.
They have red walls and distinctly different candlesticks.
Perfect photography, black and white, hung dilligently.
Most likely newlyweds in a two bedroom. They probably even have a study.
It reeks of sophistication. (In a good way).

I pause and stare.
Bright lights on white walls.
Stencils and posters.
Ikea bookshelves, lots of books, pictures.
Two women talk on the couch, gripping tea mugs
in lieu of their laughter. The movie they were watching is glaring, alone.

I pause and stare.
Third floor. I can only see a lamp, white paper shading, circular and soft.
He probably lives alone.
A lone painting hangs on the brick walls.
The futon is below it.
I can't see him because he is probably writing or reading or drinking culture somehow.
After dinner he takes nurturing baths and turns in early.
A sure sign he will avoid fatigue at work tomorrow.
He loves the el and treasure his morning commute to the box that takes him to the bliss of urban acquired economic status.

I pause and stare.
She quickly fills in the calendar on the wall.
It's all about the schedules.
Her son is tugging at her apron...
he wants a snack before bedtime.
She perches him at the breakfast bar and smiles...
brushing her tossled hair from her eyelashes, she announces the options.
You can almost sense how lucky she feels to have this full time job.
There is a calm vibe that almost jumps out of the windows from this one.

I turn the corner.
Down the alley and onto the sidewalk.
The leaves are embracing the snowfall and the street is making water out of ice.
My boots get wet but I don't care.
My keys jingle in the lock, struggle to make an entry.
No one has been here today but me. Only me.
I throw down the tangible wieghts of today's obligations.
Shed a bit of dead skin in a moment.
Walk over to the window, drawing the shades.
As I let the white lines fall, I look out into the courtyard.
Somehow, the bunnies hop with consistency in this urban playground.
They always find their way back.
I look up and notice the light is on in the apartment that produces loud
spurts of passionate opera music in the summer and fall mornings.
My eyes lower with the shades and I catch the last glimpse of the pathway to my refuge...
the grass is always greener.

This is a ritual

fall back into a place of abode.
cleverly placed items, strategic all around.
I know it to be true.
Organize the space and leave it...
move onto the other things...the less mundane.
The laughter, it resonates outside, my neighbors can hear me.
I don't care.
The stars, they shine through the wintery clouds...
passing quickly with much dexterity.
I wind down.
Fast forward, it's here, the time in space that is suspended
and sustained, the fruit of labor, ultimately.
My favorite place of relaxation.
Late nights and sometimes early mornings, reluctantly.
I jump into bed, my hair falls all around me.
The candles gleaming in the darkness, creating soft whispers against the walls...
shadow of beautiful hands.
The light is magic and carries the conversation in my mind.
Translucently.
Music moves through me.
I let it penetrate.
Fascinatingly, positively....
i have nothing to hide in this refuge of a creation.
The dynamics of this set up, it's nothing less than great.
I only fear not having it anymore.
The smoothing over of mind, resonating of soul...
it all bounces off these walls i found in my path of faith
my quest to find a better perch for my urban lifestyle.
and you are right in it.
waiting, on the balls on my feet I fall back on the cushion of my heels,
breath taken out of me.
I found it. I am now suspended spiritually, for better or for worse.
I am on the tips of my toes, reaching.
I descend with more...I let go of being 'absolutely sure.' I just wait now...and fill
my lungs in the process, discerningly...
The cushions, I lie. The bed, I sit. The table, I eat and access speaker phone.
Moving through the mundane, searching for the depth to the illusion that
has been created so many times before...missed in the process of getting to know you.
I am going to crack it with understanding the ritual...
but from now on....
on the terms of my divine spark.
Not yours.

Jay Crew and You

Forget the leftovers
the parties goers from the night before.
an all night buzz that lasts till monday
morning.
Computer isn't looking so good
work ahead is part of chores...
The weekend had magic, space in time for
drinks and laughter and dancing.
Oh, how we all wish we could stay
and play and party together, in the light in the dark in the
whole place....
So we can still smell the beer, the cologne and the music vibrations..
pick up the material and let the scent give you a nostalgic resonance
of conversations, commentary and cultivated claims....
the olfactory magic is still there...
even if the laughter and fun has long ended.

This post is an artist and residence moment, written by my sis!

i.v.

they've stuck in the i.v.
known as the media on TV
and see the force feeding
breeding ignorance and
unbelievable stupidity

cause we are trained
to accept whatever they put
in our veins and brains
because thinking for ourselves
has become a big ol' shame

so sit back, relax
enjoy the show because all the lies
they've devised most
will never know

and ignorance is bliss
though we should really be pissed
because we've become latent
complacent and generally amiss

Questions lead to understanding
which in turn leads to
truth
and these are the lessons
we should be teaching our
youth

so pull out the i.v.
throw away the TV
crack open a book
and take a good honest look
at the shores of this nations controlled education
consider contemplation
and
feed yourself
honestly
culturally
politically
whatever way you can
cause knowledge is the only way
to gain the upper hand

not many can think on the brink of insanity
so pull on the reigns
of this calamity

cause we are all quite capable
of breaking something deemed
unbreakable

so take a stand
grab a hand
and jump right in the sea
and see the potentialof what we all can be
if we just get up
and take out
the i.v.

Like Totally

I try to not get into the habit of being on my cell phone in grocery stores. I can't concentrate, I usually get distracted and put things in my cart that don't need to be there... And I definitely move slower and risk upsetting my conquering peers, trying to satiate their anxious refridgerators in a plotted timeframe. I also could potentially launch into a deeply meaningful and sometimes private conversation without remembering that I am in public.
(Hey, it's happened before. Call me focused on the task at hand despite my circumstance).

But today was an exception.

I started my culinary trek at Whole Foods, a place like a Crunchy Spa. Yea, some call it "Whole Paycheck" but I like to call it "Whole-istic experience." As I began my venture, list, cart and wallet in hand, my cell phone rang. Ima. "Hey, I am sorry I haven't called, I forgot to tell you I was working like 55 hours last week..." So I chatted and caught up, winding through the aisles, glancing at the products, half pursuing the craving to cross off the items on my list but doing a haphazard job for sure. I was focused on the deep conversation I was having, sorting through the recent cobwebs of the week, cleansing my mental pallete and making split decisions about which crunchy toothpaste was the most economic. I vaguelly noticed the valentine's day display, colors of love displaying wine and chocolate, candles and soaps, suggestions for spoiling loved ones...but I was engrossed in deep conversation, intellectual exchange and laughter...for amidst all the tasks I like to tackle, it is the human relationships I craft, care for and caress that are most important to me.

Then, check out aisle. Still on the phone. The cashier glanced at me, "paper or plastic?" (crap, am I that girl in line? the one holding the American operation of efficiency up because she's on her phone?) But wait, didn't everyone know this was meaningful chatting I was having? I wasn't talking about the weather, I was bonding with my mother!
I signed my receipts and made a dash for my car...

I made a quick stop in Stanley's for neccessary produce and got out of the shopping craze when I realized I forgot to fill up my water bottles at Whole Foods. Well, I can't be happpy at work if I don't have my filtered water, so....I stopped at the Whole Foods on my way to Trader Joe's. Just as my car locked in position, I felt my phone ring again. Lori, Best Friend. Crap. The cobwebs on our recent conversations were even greater than with my mom. "Lor, I don't want you to think I've been neglecting you, I just worked this big event last week..." I darted into the store, made a beeline for the water filler and allowed no distractions. This cashier seemed less sympathetic to my efforts. As he inquired about my bagging needs he gave me a wry look. But this was the 10 items or less line...? Didn't he know it would move quickly despite customer chosen distractions? "Plastic, please...oh, the blue bags-thanks!" But what I wanted to say was, 'dude, it's my best friend from Hawaii..We're in different time zones...gotta talk when we can...'

Dart down LincolnAve (only a half hour till rehearsal) and I stop at Trader Joe's, another favorite spot. I love the creative marketing, labels, the staff, the industrious new treats consistently created. This particular Sunday, the place was hopping. People all around me were loading up on wine, neccessities and delicacies, most likely for V-day, just around the corner. I felt instantly claustrophobic. Why did all these people decide to come to one of my favorite playgrounds at the same time as me? The plan changed from slight dilly dally to, get in, get your stuff, get in line, get out.

As the execution of my foolproof plan progressed, I found myself approaching the cereal aisle. I was dodging a cart here and slipping behind a customer there, grabbed the Kashi, when all of a sudden, I heard her...a Trader Joe's customer on her cell phone, at war with those elbow to elbow, selecting beans, pasta and spreads. Blocking the aisle and adding to the chaos. At first it wasn't so obvious...maybe the buzz of the hustle and bustle of those around me drown out her words, but as I neared the concentric circle of chatter, I couldn't help but listen as I selected my Kosher Vegan Indian lunches for the week...

"Oh my gawd, are you bringing Michael tonight...what? You are going to wear your new coat? You have to wear your new coat, I am dying to see it....I am totally excited...oh wait, I am totally not trying to be insensitive-I want to talk about your coat...it's just the reception is to-tally shitty in here...what? Yea, it's totally shitty, I can't hear you but you have to wear your new coat tonight, I am dying to see it. But I have to call you later because the reception is really bad and I can't hear you..Ok, see you tonight in your new coat! Bye!"

As I round my way into the frozen foods aisle, I couldn't help but laugh out loud.
I might have transgressed a bit today on my grocery shopping etiquette...

But at least I wasn't that girl.

Be yourself.

There is something that
you can do better than any other.

Listen to the inward voice
and bravely obey that.

"That you are a complex, multi-faceted creature is clear.
You're waiting for someone to draw you out...
To ask thoughtful sensitive questions. To be firm, yet tender."

-DailyCandy

Black Shirt

It lays, crumpled.
The light hitting soft wrinkles, textured and segmented by the
filter before it...
It's material covers vision and almost breathes, inhale and exhale.
I toss you around from place to place, positive I don't know where to put you. On the shelf? Out to lunch? In the laundry? On a hanger?
I've danced in you, I've slept with you, I've worn you out on the town.
You are all rolled up in a bunch, next to my head, in bed.
I can't leave your gift of covering behind.
I can't expect you to always be clean and available...you aren't, you won't be, you are living in this world, black shirt.
You lie on your back, full of wonder...
who knows what to do with you next, who cares...
you are part of my wardrobe, my collection of creativity, a canvas that waits for my daily decision making of how to approach the world.

But tonight, you and I, we lie here in the dark...
You are crumpled.
The light hits your soft wrinkles, textured and segmented by the
filter before it...The wrinkles, they almost smile with wisdom and wear...
character surviving fires of daily life....
It's material covers vision and breathes...

as I inhale and exhale.
full of curiosity.

Club: a group of people associated for a common purpose.
Tribe: a group of peoples or clans descended from a common ancestor.