Darrell's Gone Green

So those who know me well know that I have a definite crunchy side.
I love organic food, I'm vegan, I recycle and in general I think it's important to be conscious of my earth footprint. It is a core value. Therefore, it's important to me to have some sort of community to share these values.

In terms of a significant other, it is important to share ideals. When dating, it is a dance, an on going conversation between two people about life goals, interests and commonality. It is also a conversation negotiating differences. The question consistently remains: how do you know when those differences are too much to continue in the relationship?

A few weeks ago, Darrell decided to get rid of his car. At some point, dumping money into the cost of repairs become so much greater than the value of the car or the value of having the car. He was forced to terminate the relationship. (It's ok though, the Mazda 626 has found a new significant other, one who promised Darrell they would take great care of Betty--CarMax).

During the day when he was making this decision, Darrell kicked around his options. He could buy a new car. (Really expensive.) Lease a new car. (Higher payments than he was currently making.)Buy a used car. (Too many potential repairs.)
Our office phones rang off the hook as we bounced around solutions and problem solved together. As I left the office that day, well aware that we hadn't spoken in a few hours, I felt bad that he was stressed, might have to invest more money, give up his car that he loved....but I knew we would figure it out.

As I drove home, my cell phone rang just as I was winding around the best part of Lake Shore Drive, blue water in my peripheral vision. I picked it up.
"Hi Darrell!"
His voice on the other end was energy charged, clear he was excited about something. What, I had no idea...this had been a down day for him with his car problems and all...
"Lay, I'm going green!!!"
"What? What do you mean, you already recycle and ride your bike all the time..."
I quickly got my answer, in "Darrell logistics" fashion, he had moved quickly and solved his challenge....
"I sold my car to CarMax and I am going to ride the Metra! It will only take me 20 minutes longer and I will only have to get up 15 minutes earlier! All I have to do is take the Addison bus to the Metra and then take a shuttle bus to my office! I am going to subscribe to audiobooks so I can listen to my Ipod, read, sleep, the whole way there! It's going to be greeaaat!!"
It was decided. The Solution.

Now, during my first job out of school, I had to take a similar trek that he was describing. I called it the 'bus to the train to a bus' route. It was horrible. If you were late for one, it was almost guaranteed you would miss the other, which meant never getting out of bed late or leaving the house even 5 minutes tardy. In other words, way too much structure for this not at all morning person.

"Darrell, that's great! I am glad it worked out!"
But in the back of my mind I thought, 'I give this 3 weeks. There's no way this is going to last.' But I wasn't going to say that-no way was I going to be the cyncial partner in this moment of absolute clarity.

I glanced at my dashboard. It was 6:30pm. He had just found out about his car situation early this afternoon, and had already figured out the train/bus schedule, sold his car, bought his Metra pass and calculated his monthly savings. Good thing I didn't lack too much self esteem or I wouldn't make it in this relationship with this go-getter of a guy.

So now, despite the fact that I cook organic, vegan meals and introduced Darrell to many aspects of a "Green" lifestyle, I am now the less green component of the relationship. Why? Because I have a car. That I put gas in. And use.
When we first started dating, Darrell was excited about the fact that I drove stick. Impressed even. Now, when I am driving to work and I get a phone call, he doesn't hesitate to remind me that he has reduced his carbon footprint by half because he doesn't drive a car. When we take the train on the weekend, he proudly displays his ChicagoCard and tells me about highlights he had during the week on the train with a book, nap or new song on his Ipod. Nevermind that I stopped using my ChicagoCard a long time ago when I couldn't figure out how to re-load it on the CTA website. I am contributing to more waste by buying a new card each time I ride, so I can't even get points from him for when I don't use my car. During dinner or over drinks, he will sometimes glance at his cell phone, noting the date and then proceed to tell me when he needs to get his new Metra Train pass. And then remind me that he is Green and I am not in his usual poking fun manner.

I guess I could retort by reminding him every time he eats chicken on Shabbat how much earth energy was used to bring that bird to his plate in front of him, much more than the vegan meal in front of me next to our challah. But, that's the thing about relationships...it starts out with a certain balance and as it grows, the balance shifts. If I start throwing stones now, maybe one day it will come back to bite me.

And anyway, it's endearing that he is so committed to going to bed on time in order to make it to the train. Can I really blame him for being thoughtful about global warming? And even though I thought he wouldn't last three weeks on his new route, I've been wrong before.

In the meantime, I think I am finally going to buy a bike. I might even ride to work now that it's nice out. Besides, a bike uses much less energy than a bus to a train to a bus.

Room 304

You have no windows.
You are grey, with blue bulletin boards.
Thumbtacks, glue, tape, markers, paper, magazines....
You have chairs, tables and chalk...black, perfect chalkboards.
A platform for kids.
but it wasn't the materials you gave me that made me come back to you every year.
It was the conversations and discussions, the opportunity to clearly impact and create meaning in every day life.
It was the enthusiasm and brilliance of little minds, able to reflect and project creativity and intelligence
so seemingly early on a Sunday morning.
It was the community that was built, the celebration of difference in a culture that thrives on mainstream materialism.
It was the staff committment to excellence and excitement for a peoplehood that touches their lives as well....
in this industry, we can't afford to be hypocrites.
It was talk of Kings and Queens, Prophets and Leaders, wars and battles, ethics, values and right vs. wrong.
It was the challenge of figuring out how we celebrate holidays meaningfully, with understanding and a commitment to family customs. Different, but the same.

I bounced and laughed, got discouraged, got excited, created lesson plans, field trips and guest speakers.
For those hours, I came early on a train, in snow, in fall, in spring.
It was time to play, time to teach, time to be a light.
For those hours, I forgot about what my friends were up to, the night before, the world outside.
My classroom had no windows. No light could get through.
But for three years, in that one classroom, I didn't need them.
I had so many windows, with luminous light coming through...

Chasing Solace

Rush home.
Someone's got the case of....
Relax, it will all be over soon, just proceed so you can
feel good about your exit...
Dare to be an observer
in quintessential bliss, waiting for the next cue- make yourself known.
Before your eyes.
Pick a door, take a leap, have some faith, let it ride.
Only you can control your concentric circle in this world.

Rush home.
Don't buy anything.
Don't get distracted.
Don't stay on the phone when you don't want to be there.
Don't listen.
Don't make a quick decision.
Don't split your mind in two directions...or you will be no where.

Just rush home.
Return to an abode that awaits you with imperfection and leftover residue
from unfinished business from the day before.
Glaring into your eyes, the tangible un-to-do list, not written down.

Pick one, what will it be, creative, mundane?
How do I channel my inner dimension when I get to that place....
How do I pick and use the hours well?
Maybe I won't become world traveled.
Maybe I won't become a public academic.
Maybe I won't spend my time focusing solely on accomplishment.

Maybe I will have an equal.
Maybe I will be self taught.
Maybe I will find satisfaction in the small, good choices that become big building blocks.

And while I search for those things,
I will rush home.
And not where I eventually wish to throw my keys....
But where I am now.
Maybe, for now, I will seek something I can't touch.
Making decisions that incorporate a big picture, rather than bits and pieces....

That's ok....
because chasing solace, is chasing success.
Even if that's not how it feels on the outside.

Steady, Guide.

A steady line, but he keeps moving.
Linear and forward.
And I buzz and bounce around like an excited kid reaching for new opportunities.
It’s steady.
Meeting of minds and then execution.
He drops the material in my lap and then happily looks forward.
It’s up to me to create something and give it back.
His mood is steady, with little variation, consistent happiness and drive.
Concrete. Empathetic. Rock solid focus.
And for me, I bounce around, keep moving, but always looking for that place
To come back to...let’s call it a home. Refuge. Safety net. Rock to draw water…

In flight, we agree…and then circumstances are right. Exchange, exchange between. Volley and input…