Cleveland Rocks

Sometimes, there's no place like home. I am a city girl now, but I love what Cleveland has to offer when I'm here. Tonight I took a 9:30pm bike ride after having a long dinner on a back porch enclosed by trees and grass. It's not that the house is in the suburbs, the country or anything like that, but a group of three deer did happen to unexpectedly frolic past our dinner tonight. That was cool. It's quiet here, even at night. It's a great place to clear my head for elul, this month of preparation before the High Holidays. Good to appreciate different things having created an entirely new life in a new city from where I came. There are many diverse environments out there and one can merit from the energy of each place. I like the slow pace here, though I wouldn't give up public transportation for anything. It gives on independence of schedule, spontaniety and pursuit.

I haven't watched Drew Carey or visited the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Too much else to do.
But I have clicked my heels together and few times, hugged my mom and said, "there's no place like home."

Ok, back to Project Runway, commercial is almost over!

Havdalah (Separation)

At the conclusion of Shabbat (Saturday night after you see three stars in the sky), there is a traditional service, earmarked to end the 24-hr period and transition us into the new week. It is my favorite service, though small, less is more in this case. What does one need to make this service? A cup of wine or grape juice, a strong smelling spice, a havdalah candle and the words. Not only are there many amazing tunes that go along with this sing-songy service, but the meaning behind the words is deep. One line that sticks with me in particular is hamavdil bayn kodesh l'chol, You are blessed, Lord, who makes a distinction between the secular and the sacred. (Translation from The NCSY Bencher) I love this concept because it seales off Shabbat and allows us to go back into the world with fresh holiness. It is stating that there is a difference between the two worlds. This boundary actually gives us freedom-freedom to use our space in time correctly according to where we are. This awareness gives us the ability to move more freely through our lifestyle, giving deeper meaning to each moment.

I love the idea of separation: the place at which a division or parting occurs. This word is applicable in many circumstances, not just entering the mundane from the holy. We separate day from night, from ourselves to people, work from play, friends from family, school to profession, good from bad. When we have the wisdom to recognize which part of our world we are dabbling in at each moment, we can truly be there. When we recognize we are in the world, but we don't have to be of the world, it helps carve out spatial integrity, further defining our own individuality.

So maybe think more about the meaning of the havdalah service before doing it next time.
It's deeply permeating.

I Love Sex and the City

It's been criticized. It's been frowned upon.
I know, I know, but I love it. And it's deeper than just a favorite show. After all, there is motivation behind everything....

Here's why:
The script is brilliant, it moves quickly with wit, pushing the envelope and taking a stand.
For a single women in today's world, it offers a solace that is hard to match. The writers of the show have tackled every issue, from the challenges of transitioning from singlehood to married, challenges of intimacy, dealing with cancer, dating, dating, dating to no end result, trying to get pregnant, shopping, an invasive mother in law, the balance of self within a pair. The show always paints a hilarious and yet equally frustrating picture about the situations men create for women...it colors the ups and downs of figuring out who you are as a woman taking space for herself in this modern world, managing career and friends, heartbreaks and healing, new discoveries and old wisdom. Yes, it's indulgent at times, fantasy can overstep reality, but it beckons a dialogue about the challenges we do face.

That is our reality. And it's nice to relate to it with laughter and understanding, knowing full well there are others in our boat of single struggle and self-discovery. There will be more on this later. :)

Hierarchy of Heels
(As seen on Kahnversyneergy, January 31, 2006)

Anyone who knows me at all knows about my passion for taking care of my body in order to further my technique as a dancer. Thus my lifestyle must reflect this. So, naturally, I must have comfortable shoes for my feet in order to keep up with the constant rigor that dance technique demands on it's perfectionists. A friend of mine once declared that one day she would find me with very expensive shoes, ergonomically designed for my feet.

And alas, that day has come. My little red earth shoes,(i tell my rabbis little daughter they are my princess shoes when I see her at shul)designed to create good posture, a harmonious lower back experience and overall comfort for the chi, vegan even!! They sit in my closet contently, probably thankful I have many articles of clothing that match their bright color. They are cute. Unique. Stylish. Comfortable. As my 'vogue' brother would say, "they are within SFF code. Style, form and function." The 3 most important questions when buying new kicks.
If you look at my wardrobe, you will see a thread of similarity on the floor amongst the shoes. I definitely like to be grounded when walking. I like color. Comfort. Artistic expression can extend to all limbs of the body.

So my feet can have it all, right? But as of late, I seem to have entered a new genre of life....the post college, single, (as in not married Neer fans) young, empowered professional. What does this mean? A level of status. Regular paychecks. An office, desk, computer, my own voicemail! Meetings. Emails. Business casual. Conferences. Analytical conversations.
What is missing from this equation?
3 inch high heeled shoes.
Yes, my friends. A status symbol that has somehow sustained the modern female, even post feminist intense movement.
I am not sure what it was that caused me to decide that I must have high heels, but as soon as I saw the sale, I marched into Nine West, on a mission.
Cheapest price. Comfortable as possible. CUTE. CUTE. CUTE. (I seemed to have forgotten my brother's fool proof formula as soon as I saw the reflection in the mirror.) My sister's squealing definitely didn't help the resistance. And then, my outer monologue battle began......"I don't know, " I reasoned. "They are kind of high. But they are so cute! They might really hurt my feet. But they are so cute! Where can I walk in them? Ah, they are so cute! Won't they be uncomfortable? But I love them! They are so cute!" Sure, they were definitely much higher than I had ever worn before, but I am an adult. I am powerful. I have a BA from Columbia College Chicago. I have earned the right to prance.I walked out of the store, bag in hand. It seemed the style and form team had won, 4-0.

Later that week, when I "pranced" to the Green Mill to meet a friend, my feet started to hurt. Ache even. Then my knees started feeling weak. This was hardly in the disclaimer when the store clerk announced the terms of agreement for returns, which included not wearing the shoes outside. As soon as I got to the bar, I wanted a stool more than a drink. But alas, we had gotten there late (probably due to my lag time on account of 3 inches below my heels) and all seats were taken. I surveyed the crowd, ready to beg an understanding female for her empathy and see if she would give up her seat for my poor soles. I could locate no one.

Since I couldn't return the shoes, I figured my co-worker, an amazing ballroom/salsa/bellydancing girl would want to invest in such a pretty pair of heels. I brought them to work, promising to name a good price especially for her. As she walked around, a familiar dialogue began bouncing off the walls....."They are kind of high. But they are so cute! They might really hurt my feet. I can walk in them. They are so cute! They do fit my feet... Ah, they are so cute! Won't they be uncomfortable? But I love them! They are so cute! I do need good black shoes...."
As I waited for her inevitable trial run to conclude, I wondered if I actually wanted to give up the shoes. I could wear them to dinner. But no dancing. Cabs would be the only mode of transportation...couldn't even drive stick in them. Meetings at work, yes, definitely.....wait, no, I already decided to sell them, what am I thinking about??!!!!
Rachel appeared back in my office. "Man, they are so cute. But I just can't justify wearing them. I do have plantar fasciitus. Here you go." She walked out of my office, liberated from her struggling monologue. (Did the battle only happen when they are on your feet, I wondered?)
I think I should have handed the shoes to the store clerk and said exactly what Rachel proclaimed to me. Maybe next time, I will. But instead, I now own the cutest and highest pair of high heels I've ever had. Don't tell my napropath. In the meantime, I think I will work on getting someone to take me to dinner. He's driving.

Planting Roots
(Published in The Hillel International Weekly eNewsletter, July 2006)

I am a Hillel professional, artist, Hebrew schoolteacher and Bar Mitzvah tutor. I live in a modern Orthodox community, but I did not grow up in this sect of Judaism. When asked about my 'gateway experience' I always, with the utmost enthusiasm, answer: "birthright." It opened the door to Hillel at Kent State University for me, where I served as student president for two years. It was birthright israel that introduced me to Jewish friends, planted the seeds for my value of marrying Jewish and opened my eyes to the land of Israel. This was the trip that made the depths of my heritage accessible.

My sister is six years younger than me. A freshman at DePaul University in Chicago, she often found herself dragged to Shabbatot and programs at the University of Chicago Hillel, where she witnessed my work, whether she wanted to or not. When I spend Shabbat in my own community, she again is in the presence of my chosen life. Being her older sister, I of course want to share the joy I found in our ancient tradition, but I was careful not to blindly encourage her to follow my path. One Friday night, after a lively Shabbat meal, she asked, 'Why do you like Shabbat so much?' I was happy that she asked, but I felt unprepared for the question. "Well, Rachel, I love the idea of taking time off, letting the world stop amidst weekly demands. I love that in the middle of the city, every week I will share a spiritual experience with a community of people who are striving for communal goals. I have the opportunity to reflect with little distractions for 24 hours….and I love seeing my friends and eating lots of food!" I answered. She laughed and seemed satisfied. Soon after, she signed up for birthright israel. I was super excited!

Ever the careful big sister, I wanted to give her space to carve out her own course. It might not change her world, I thought. Quickly her passport came, her deposit was paid, the packing began…and then, the "Torah of the birthright trip" - THE ITINERARY arrived. It had certainly improved since I went six years ago! There were camel rides and Bedouin tents, the Dead Sea, Masada and Tzefat. I was pumped, but I didn't place wishes on her Jewish journey. She left and it seemed like no time had passed when she called me saying: "Guess where I am? On top of Masada at 6am! We hiked up here!" As she described the view, I could picture where she was standing. Later she told me the reason for her call. She is the second person from our entire family to travel to Israel. Since I had been there too, I was the only one who could understand her moment of connectivity.

On the night of her arrival back from Israel, I came home to my apartment from a long day at work. The escalating conflict in the Middle East had begun to intensify while she was in the hands of El Al. As I pushed open the door, there she was: sun-tanned face, white Israeli headband secured firmly to her brown hair, wearing her blue birthright shirt listing the group's top inside jokes. And an image I had not anticipated, my sister, not checking her email, anxiously waiting to hear from her new friends but tracking the news from the Middle East online. This was a shocker. The most interest she had ever shown in news was from the Weather Channel. She showed me the gifts for family and friends and the items she had bought for herself.

On my first trip to Israel I had bought her a Magen David that she has never taken off. I asked her why she didn't buy herself a new one? "This is the star you gave me and the first one I got from Israel, why do I need another one?" she replied. Into my hands she thrust my present: small Shabbat candles and a havdalah set from Tzefat. "What are these for?" I asked. "Whenever your next Shabbat is in Israel... I need an excuse to go back, and what better than to visit you?!" was her answer.

As a Hillel professional, I strive to provide top-notch programming and leadership opportunities in every shape or form. I do my best to serve as a resource, an accessible mentor and a passionate Jewish educator. Yet it is the student who can 'takeaway' and be touched by an experience. I deem my role successful only if a student clearly grows during their college years. But how can we know what effectively plants roots in each individual? When I bought my sister that special Star of David six years ago, I hoped it would give her a small connection to Israel. It was clear to me why she didn't want a new one. It was a small doorway, beginning her journey there. It was a root planted.

In our work with students, we try to plant roots that they will one day learn to water themselves. Suddenly, I had another realization. My sister gave me the candles to keep lighting my own fire. And just like that, she helped me along my path, reminding me to keep leading by example. We should all do our best to continually keep our own fires lit, as strong Jewish educators, able to emanate light to students. When they respond, as strengthened community members, let it re-inspire us on our own Jewish journey, embracing new fires to light our own paths. Rachel's group had a photo taken at the Western Wall. In it, there are many faces smiling, full of life and happiness, arms around each other, excited about the next item on the itinerary. The tagline says: 'birthright israel... The journey is just beginning.' I truly believe it is.

Columbia College Chicago, More than Just My Alma Mater

And no, it's not affiliated with Columbia University in New York.
This is the urban media arts school, a vertical campus in Chicago's South Loop, working to produce little warriors on a spiritual mission to create creative change in our world.
Learning to healing the world through skilled artistry? It doesn't get much better than that...
Here's the explanation from the website:

Why Columbia? Because at Columbia you can do it: follow your passion for art, media, and self-expression and get a real education with a real future - not one that starts deeply in debt.
What makes it extraordinary? The faculty is working - and so are you.
Our average class has about 17 students taught by faculty who are working professionals in their fields. They're doing what you want to do: write, publish, make art, make books, broadcast, film, record, photograph, dance, digitize, and act...And they're great teachers who share their work, their questions, and their experiences with you. You'll be on firm ground. A Columbia education marries professional training with the educational breadth of a liberal arts curriculum. They gain a first-hand understanding of the world's history and cultures, and the achievements of its peoples' while mastering critical thinking and effective writing, two hallmarks of a liberal education. You'll be ready. While at Columbia you'll develop a "portfolio" or "body of work" that serves as a measure of your education and your development as an artist or communicator, as well as a bridge to the professional world you'll enter upon graduation.

At Columbia, I was able to enter the doors and sharpen my voice. I found mentors with open arms and peers who had similar agendas to mine. It was an explosion and celebration of art, an everyday, out-of-the-box experience. And an urban education for sure! I met so many people from different backgrounds, shaped a new lens for my world and was able to find nuturing within the academia. It taught me to be a self sufficient professional, know what questions to ask and gave me confidence to follow my desires. It's not perfect, but it is an oasis of something unique and like any piece of art....it's a work in progress....

Leah Kahn, Admissions Counselor?

Project Runway...any reality in reality shows?

Ok...I am not one to follow reality shows. I think a lot of them are degrading and tarnishing to the human spirit, but Project Runway has caught my attention. Usually, when one is dedicated to an art form, one can translate understanding about other forms and mediums using knowledge gained from the craft already being perfected . But this has caught my fascination as I am amazed at the creativity and depth the designers move on with their assignments. How could anyone make a glamorous gown out of materials from a recycling plant?!!

I see a bit of spirituality in this show. The concept of taking something from nothing and making a wearable garb of clothing from it- that's a transferable skill. We all have the power to create something from nothing. We can do it through character refinement, our schedules, old scraps lying around the house and words that haven't been said yet. We can use free will: for good and positive change or for bad and emptiness.
And it is apparent on the show the way the designers handle themselves amidst stress, competition and judgement. The ones who stand out are the ones who are committed to operating out of their own moral code and not anyone else's. Yay for art!

I wonder what will happen this Wednesday, as we are down to eight of them and they will be designing for the everyday woman.... I miss Alison already..she was so relaxed and in her own world....Oh man, listen to me!

These are a few of my Favorite Things...

Musicals
Dance Class
Fall Season and the High Holidays
Spatial Integrity
Deep Conversations with Friends
Good music
Summers in Chicago
School Supplies
Choreographing
Being around those working to control their egos
Books
Jewlery
Home
Creating
The beginning of a new relationship
Good feedback and positive praise
dedicated mentors
Israel
Family
Feeling Gratitude
Torah classes, giving new direction
Unexpected childhood memories
Re-uniting with old friends
feeling humbled
Adventures
Diversity of people
Newness
High Shabbatot
Organic Food
The Chicago Diner
Journaling
Bookstores
My to do lists
Yoga
Structured schedule with room for creativity
plans
my sister, playing guitar
watching my brother cook
tea, at any hour
dessert @ 4pm on a weeday with my best friend
Trader Joes
Boundaries
Columbia College Chicago
Planners
a chevra
decorating
thunderstorms
sick days
crunchy people
parking spots
Argo Tea and Intelligensia
a vegan shabbat meal
ani difranco lyrics
feeling grounded
work

Public vs. Private Sphere

In Judaism, many of our personal decisions inevitably reach the public.
When a women gets married, her choice to cover, or not cover her hair, becomes apparent.
When a couple 'rendez-vous' in the dating world, there seems to be an unspoken timeframe for when the 'when are you getting married?' questions begin to fly.
Married couples face questions about children. Single people must face questions about dating, we add commentary about lifestyle, job, apartments.....etc.

While I always try and cast off these questions as people 'just trying to show they care,' it becomes difficult to filter out who is expressing genuine concern and who is acquiring material for their next gossip session. I write this post not to sound cynical or judgemental, but I do wish to bring light on this habit we have slipped into. I want to hold us accountable (including myself) and ask that we think twice before falling into intrusive questions that seem to have become an all too familiar part of our culture.

And all the while, it seems we all feel comfortable telling each other how the mitzvot are supposed to play out in an individual's life. "Oy! You aren't supposed to cut the challah that way! You shouldn't ask for things while davening on Shabbos...Israel should be doing x with their army/government and then y would happen...."

Each person creates a letter of the Torah. Each person has a whole world coming forth from their eyes. But what does this mean exactly? It means that each person is a whole world of process, not product. Each person is walking through life, trying to maintain a relationship with G-d, themselves, others and the ever un-predictable world. Who has time for shoulds from others? Let's take a moment to breakdown these words choices which have penetrated our verbal culture....words do create our world after all...

Should:
Something that will take place or exist in the future. An order, promise, requirement, or obligation. The will to do something or have something take place.

Supposed:
Presumed to be true or real without conclusive evidence; Intended.
(thank you dictionary.com)

These words are powerful and presumptious. Do we really want to be continuously creating relationships with these expectations? Is that really fair to your listener? After all, isn't this part of the vocabulary that has perpetuated the Jewish guilt we know to be true?

The thing is, when we ask questions and provide unwanted commentary like this, we distance ourselves from each other. Here's why...Let's take the un-engaged but long term dating couple. Let's say someone asks them when they are getting married...You could be walking into a landmine of emotional struggles. What if marraige is something they are really trying to work towards but aren't getting to yet? What if they want to get married but a parent is getting in the way? Let's take a married couple who doesn't yet have kids. What if they can't get pregnant and they are trying really hard? What if they just came to terms with the fact that they can't have kids and are working towards adoption?

My point is, we negate the emotions that may be painfully hidden beneath the surface of a person when we ask questions that pressure an individual to keep up with our social norms.
How about instead of making conversation about where our friends 'should' be going, we make conversation about the joy of where we are at. Life is a process that is not black and white. It is circular. The process of building awareness means making mistakes and learning from them. And when we make those mistakes, it's our friends we need the most. Each person is in a dancing relationship with G-d and for each person, that means a different paradigm that is able to recieve levels of the light of sha'mayim (heaven) differently than someone else.

We are all in different places. Let's do a little more celebrating with where we're at rather than where we think everyone else should be. And the next time we find ourselves offering suggestions to others, let's ask ourselves, 'am I really listening to this person and trying to be helpful? Or does my own lens need some refinement?'

space to speak... space to exhale... space for a soapbox...humbly, of course.
space to process.... to be imperfect.

and yet, remain calm....