It's just 5 minutes, does it matter?

So i'd been planning on going home for the new year for months...set up for meals, bag packed, plane ticket purchased...and only one thing missing...falling asleep the night before without setting my alarm. I was supposed to leave at 8:15am, and I woke up at 8:30am to find the lights on, missing items from my suitcase and much dis array.

So I did dream about setting my alarm in the middle of the night....

After a quick rendition of thanking G-d for returning me to the world, I scurried out of my humble abode and entered the world of the train.

9:05...darting up the train tracks, heavy bags in hand, only to have the brown line bluntly shut it's doors in my face...I could put my hand on the tangible vessel to take me to the destination but...ding, dong...'doors closing.' No such luck. I wait and I wait, until finally, the rush of the wind from the next train comes....
9:15....I board, while anxiously glancing at my watch, sure I had no chance of making it on time. Then, almost sarcastically, I hear the man's voice over the loudspeaker...'attention passengers, we are experiencing delays...there seems to be a problem with the tracks ahead....'
9:25....inching along, I realize, the first time I boarded a plane was at 15...for 10 years I had been using this modern genious creation of technology and never once had I ever missed a flight. Call it type A planning tendencies, call it whatever, but why was I about to miss such an important flight to be in an important destination at the most crucial time in the calendar?
9:45....on the orange line now and getting closer, near tears but hoping there's a prayer...
10:00...with a flight leaving at 10:25, there was no way I was going to make it...I might as well give up and accept the fact I was going to not see my family for the weekend...
10:10...."this is as far as this train goes, all passengers must exit..." and gladly, mr. el! I run up the stairs, dart through the escalator and rush to my entry point...hit the check in desk, watch as they place a "Late Check In" sticker on my bags and rush away....
10:20...I get to the first check in point...she checks my ID and opens my boarding pass envelope....no boarding pass....(what? that never happens to me either!!) and turn around and run back, still sure I am not going to make it and clueless as to why i am even trying at this point...don'teven firstborns still need to know when to give it a rest? Before I can even make it to the escalator, I see the wonderful woman who helped me rushing down the stairs, my boarding pass in hand..."ms. leah, ms. leah!" wow, such customer service....
10:23...I rush through the security point...the pointman tells me..."miss, walk, don't run!" I look at him and say, "Ok, sorry," but in my head, I'm thinking, 'dude, the world is about to be renwened and re-created in like 7 hours...if you knew that you would be running too!" But i didn't...
10:23-10:27....running to my gate....and darting through people and probably looking a bit shady and feeling like the world moves so fast when it doesn't work for me, and so slow when I don't need it to...
10:28...arrive at the gate, absolutely breathless...the attendant tells me, 'miss, please walk over to the counter and get another boarding pass...and don't worry, we arent leaving without you, there are plenty of passengers still boarding...'

By the skin of my teeth, I made it!
As I sat, panting, and in between two people deeply involved in the Tribune, I wondered, what could I learn from this experience?

Then, I realized, one of my goals for the previous month was to learn how to use time better, more efficiently, days filled with the energy of being meaningful and productive....maybe this was a very physical way of seeing that even if I had woken up early and used time differently, I would have made it on time, but would I have really wanted it as bad? I really realized that I reallly wanted to be home and since there were all these challenges in my path, I was forced to use time very strategically and keep my eyes on the end goal, not allowing distractions.

So too in life. Time goes by so much slower when we use each minute for a purpose, for our own development to actualize our potential and accept our challenges. I could have walked, but if I didn't run, I would have missed the flight...and because they were delayed, only by five minutes, I was able to make the plane to take me to a place I knew was really important for me to be....

So, in the hustle and bustle of our crazy busy world, does five minutes matter?
Yes, it does....it can mean the difference between getting left behind or boarding the plane that takes us to the next important place. In a society that so often mutters, 'i don't have time,' isn't it odd that we are yet so focused on the existence of the clock that simply makes 24 circles in the period called a day?

So be present.....time isn't a credit card after all....once it's gone, it's gone...
and planes, unlike trains, don't hesitate once they've left the platform......

Fall in Chicago

I love fall in Chicago...I always say the best time of year is summer, and it is, but fall is too, so I guess I have to flip a coin every year....
Today I was driving home from work and the clouds were amazing...they were just rolling in the sunset, grey, white and layered... they looked even more amazing with the contrast against the urban buildings, high up in the sky. But something about fall asks us to let go of the spontaneity of summer, and enter into an emotional solace within oneself...a deeper place of clarity, a preparation for the equal comforts and challenges that winter brings.
Fall means sunny days with cool air, great soup, sweaters on sale at numerous department stores and dark lipstick. Fall means thinking about warmer socks, thinking twice before opening windows and holding on to those last bits of adventures from summer. I often feel consistently wrapped in the solace of the season...maybe it has to do with all the holidays, maybe it could stand on it's own, but nonetheless, it's a great time to break down our own walls and think about how we want to hibernate in our heads...here comes steamy cups of tea and warm foods and cool air again...here comes the start of school and intuition and the magic of the rolling clarity that makes this world keep going....

so yes, I love fall in Chicago....but then again...I love Chicago no matter what......................

The Ramban and I are homies...

"I'm not so religious, I'm more spiritual."

This phrase has always bothered me. I understand why people say it and it makes sense to search for something that is spiritual in such a materially saturated world...but it's not neccessarily grounded. Then again, being 'religious' isn't neccessarily grounded either.

We often have moments when we feel spiritual. They are real moments, deep, intrinsic and hopefully full of clarity.
We don't want to let them go, we could stay in that moment forever and not miss anything. Because we feel connected and fullfilled.
That moment of truth, of holistic purity inevitably passes. Why? If spirituality is what makes the world goes around, why can't we just be spiritual all day?

I learned a wonderful definition from a friend about spirituality.
Spirituality=knowing through experiences and actions.
We acquire and understand it because it is a knowing, not a thought. We feel it to be true, therefore there is no argument about whatever the spiritual experience is.
When we stand in nature, no one has to prove to us that the wind is blowing, the trees are green and the scene is beautiful.
You know that it is because your senses feel it, your eyes see it and your being is uplifted.
This could happen for any situation, a conversation with a good friend, a great meal, a meaningful and productive day, tears being shed in a moment of depth, looking at a great piece of art....depends on the person and what they find to be meaningful.

Why do we want spirituality? Do we want to float all day? Do we want to feel connected? How do we get there?
I think the reason why we have a sense of this urning is because we want to create hoiness...we want to uplift that which is around us.
So why is this something we have to work for? Why isn't it so obvious and easy to attain?

Because that which is holy is hidden. And it is up to us to move towards it, work for it and acquire it.
This example became most evident to me when I thought about my experience as a child in Hebrew School. I hated going to synagogue on Friday nights. Since I didnt live in a predominantly Jewish community, most of my friends were going out and being social. But I was stuck listening to the cantor. And I didn't understand why I had to sit there-couldn't we just have our services on Sundays just like the rest of society??Even Saturday night would be better!!
(If someone would have told me in that moment that I would one day be keeping shabbat, I would have laughed in their faces.)
Today, it's still that way...I am walking to shul on Friday night and the rest of the world is out having drinks and dinners at fun restaurants with friends. I could do that if I wanted to....but Shabbat never lets me down. Why go out?
Shabbat is a great example of that which is holy, but hidden. We have to be the ones who see it and work towards it. And when we do, we actually acquire it for our own, therefore, creating a spirituality that is our own, private, consistent and truly filled with wisdom according to our individual experiences. It's amazing....
Love is another example...sometimes it's hard to give love. Or maybe a person isn't so loving. but how can they acquire the spirituality to feel and be a more loving person? By doing acts of love, even if it isn't easy. When we will to do, in time we understand. We truly can exercise our spiritual and emotional muscles and become a deeper person through doing.

So maybe the statement isn't, I'm being spiritual. Maybe it's really, I'm doing spiritual.
And then is this really a question of religious or spiritual?
Then isn't it a question of what we are actually doing with our time to acquire and reveal sparks of holiness in the world?
Food for thought...spiritual food. :)

You Pass

Drunken cubs fans crawl up the stairs, escorted by their loyal friends.
Arm and arm.
Laughter vibrates my eardrums
As I leap over the crushed fries
Embedded in the escalator stairs from days before.
El sounds
“doors closing”
I have your rhythm memorized from day one, Recorded
As my curious pupils star gazed at the city lights.
Daydreaming of an urban lifestyle to come.
People. Pretty, ugly, artsy, left-brained, focused, sleeping, reading, talking, listening…all mix in a train car to create
City synergy…an abyss of warmth.
From utopian tradition, of have’s vs. have nots.
The perfect segregation blend and opportunity commiserates right here.
In Chicago’s antique rollercoaster,
Depending on the hour.
My input is less than my output,
Three years counting…
It’s time for a change.
I have products brimming
In my head, swimming
And I gotta dance & stretch, wax & wane, produce publicly
With my accepted & celebrated…imperfection.
The journey that makes me and creates me.
I embrace change, challenge, balanced with “set up shop and settle….”
It’s not a crisis
I’m not self righteous
Just developing my voice
In this Midwestern flair….
I’ve overcome
And responded
To the streets
That summon one.

How do you know it's really kosher?

So tonight I was kashering my stove and oven. It was great- fire blazing, heat arising, apartment getting hot...I could just see those wonderful shabbat meals being cooked in my very own studio kitchen.
But then I heard something. Like a pop...I walked into my kitchen to find a piece of gold wrapping on the floor from a wine bottle I hadn't yet opened.
But how did it get to the floor?
Then I saw what popped-the cork! The kitched got so hot, the wine bottle opened itself! L'chaim en solo! That is a pretty talented bottle of wine, even if the heat was affecting it.

So then the problem was apparent- what to do to salvage the wine.
Yet another moment when it pays to have a food afficiano for a brother.
I became informed that I needed to only replace the cork but it had been re-cooked, changing the chemistry of the wine. Tragedy.

But now at least I have a new hashgafa....According to the LMK Beit Din of Crunchy Chicago, a kitchen stove and oven isn't really kosher unless the wine bottles in your kitchen can make l'chaims by themselves.
....
And as I write this, wine bottle next to me, the cork pops off by itself again....
there is a new decree! The cork must pop off twice during the same evening the stove was kashered, or else it isn't a kosher kashering.

Man, my meals are going to be super spiritually pure.....:)