Standing

Sitting on the diving board, peering into the deep end, trying not to jump in....
I see, the cracks on the ground, the drain, little floating imperfections on the surface...painted concrete...bugs...drops of water springing from the source and dropping back into little glimmers of sunlight kissing water, embracing the rippled flow of steadfast bleached mineral, encased in this safe, man made invention of bliss.

I hear, the wind in my ears, the breeze wrapping around the trees, enveloping the bristles with static consistency...cries of excitement, muttered conversations about everything and nothing at all...

I feel the confidence of being able to swim and navigate my way through the deep and shallow ends, full of muscle memory and an open heart for new strokes, taking me to new places and leading me to new bits of sunlight. I leave behind the darkness of spots that lack clarity and swim to new spaces that are unfamiliar but emanate potential....

My feet land on the ground and I spin, feeling the sun around my skin and hair and face....I let go and float. I don't worry. I remain aware of the present moment and see the world in front of me as only a human could.

I get back on the diving board and walk to the edge.
I acknowledge the fear. I look anyways and plot my next move.
It needn't be perfect. It can't be anymore.
I reach my hand out the the water and let my fingertips touch the fragile details of the perfect waves. I see the imperfection and want it anyway...I pull my hands away and let the water drip off...
I sit and let my feet dangle... at times, my legs get splashed...I don't flinch.
I let it be.
I contemplate slipping and letting myself fall, not dive or jump but organically descend into the welcoming warm water below...
I look again.....I see, the cracks on the ground, the drain, little floating imperfections on the surface...painted concrete...bugs...drops of water springing from the source and dropping back into little glimmers of sunlight kissing water, embracing the rippled flow of steadfast bleached mineral, encased in this safe, man made invention of bliss.

I stand up and begin to leave, already searching for another portal to the pool.
I possess perspective. I know what's there.
I'm just waiting for the right moment to consciously connect with the deep end that exists before me....

I jump off the diving board.
My arms reach, hands extend, eyes lifted and my breath supports the leap.
I fly through the air, ready....
my hair is lifted by wind and nurtured by sunlight.
my legs are strong and willing, whatever the next cue.
I trust and let go...

My feet hit the concrete.
It's grey.

"And why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up." -- Dr. Thomas Wayne, Batman Begins

I love my students!

Dear Parents,

Thank you for sending your child to Hebrew school. I feel honored to have the opportunity to explore our tradition with the wonderfully creative energy and enthusiasm of this 4th grade class. So far this year, we have learned about Jonah, Joshua, Deborah, Samson & Delilah, Saul, Ruth, King David and King Solomon. All of these characters have great lessons to teach us in modern day society about leadership. It has been an exciting start unfolding the magic in the classroom...

This past week was particularly exciting! We learned about King Solomon. In this story, we see that King Solomon was both wise-hearted and practical, as he prayed to G-d to have a wise heart and rule his people with honest discernment, and also built a significant temple for his time. When faced with tough decisions, he made good choices and therefore created a world of integrity around him.

In order to bring this into our lives, as a class we discussed and did a free writing exercise about what makes us wise and able to build special components in our world. The students were incredibly insightful and offered great ideas when asked about this topic. We took individual profile pictures in a chair that looked like a throne and next week the kids will finish their profiles by writing down what makes them wise on the paper. We discussed the idea of what it means to take care of your world and see yourself as a leader (or king or queen!) in your world.

We also learned a new song about family, a song that teaches the kids the Hebrew word for family: mishpacha. We talked about the idea that everyone comes from a different family and having a mishpacha is just as much about community and being warm to friends as it is about who you are related to.

We always have fun in class...in fact, one of our students was being especially creative during snacktime...and figured out how to root for his favorite baseball team with pretzels....see the picture attached!

Sincerely,
Leah Kahn

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

-emerson

Stumbling Block, for the Blind?

Effortless and intuitive
shining in inevitable light.
No choice but to evolve.
I hold future in the palm of my hands,
sweaty choices. Panic.
Path left open, words from nights before...
choices breed perspective, I take the blue pill
of reality, even when it hurts.
I shed tears that offer wisdom as they fall, at least
not in vain. Experiences less valued, books studied
heavily, can we aquire answers without experiments?

There are many theories
ones that work and don't.
I choose the path of propelled energy, pushing me to grow
and move.
My feet they bounce, my eyes, they dart, my hands they reach for more.
Can you fault me for being human, can you trust the words you say
more than giving me credit for committing to a process???
I didn't have to pick this one....

Relationships, they are messy when two parties can't agree...
the dump, the grind, the work that is too hard...people who plummet, they don't crave rocks, for themselves or for another, but choose to bask in insecurity and wish for the other to be a co-conspiriter in their crime of the anti-self love campaign....
OR
shoulder to shoulder, pupils lifted, hands held...
thrive in the process of breathing grey, sorting through the evil inclination that challenges us, trips us up, puts us in a maize of oblivion and equal power to self actualize and realize our fiber makeup....and then, be accountable. Be, an adult.
I'm not going to let you, I'm not going to lie with you, I'm not going to internalize the muddy water you wish I would swim in.
That comfort is only a priority for those who are slowly suffocating and dying without realizing it till it's too late.
Empathy can exist with two adults who wish to move each other in objectively true directions...forget it, leave the rest behind.
You want me to talk, you want me to spill, you want me to engage in previous discussions that ceased when you walked out the door.
And I was relieved.
So give me more than a four letter word, be aware, be conscious, be accountable, but don't be stupid, unrealistic or ideological about your blindspots...cleaning is up to you...
And we, lie, it's dark, full of knowledge and capacity for emotional organization...bounce with it, roll with it, but keep the perspective of...?
yes, this is now. You are ready for it, why?
Because you didn't strategically plan.
You didn't decide in advance.
You didn't force it.
You just lived.
You're way into the answer.
And now, trust it, that it could happen to you...know thyself, less what others know about you, for they don't hear the thoughts between you and G-d, though they presume to. Forgive them for their ignorance...
that breath skips their words on the way out of their intellect.
So forget it, and dodge it, don't even get caught up in chaotic dialogue...know your inner compass, focusing easily on inner dimension....the select few know what you are searching for...in it's entire purity.

Stumbling blocks? Only if you let them....for mistakes are just moments of process, forming their way towards clarity.
The only thing I can fear... leave it at the door and exhale, let yourself know the world you have created....and fix the mistakes once you make them, communicate and get back on your feet, sort without an agenda and allow it to unfold....

and just like that....I can walk right back into my.....

PERSPECTIVE.
which,

is relative, depending on the eye of the beholder.
I'm embracing mine... how?
Carefully,
with Concise Concrete Conscious Clarity.

Private:
1. of or concerning a particular person or group.
2. not open to or controlled by the public.
3. for an individual person, secret.

Intrude:
1. to force oneself upon others, unasked.

"Are You Dating Anyone?"

Yes, in fact, I am.
Not that it's any of your business but...
it's getting kind of serious...
everytime we hang out, I get a rush.
We spend quality time together, mostly on weekends...
he likes my heels, clicking on pavement.
Urban outfits, full of lure...
There are walls, but I don't mind...
I kind of like their aesthetic...old, new, original...
Always something to explore or breakdown.
Always something to talk about.
Bounce.
Rhythm.
Seeing and discovering.
At times, I can barely hold back my enthusiasm for our relationship...
when I get a boost, I call out your name, full of exuberance and love.
You give me so much, fill me up...adventures, dinner, late nights, train rides, cabs, shows...
we do it all.
We wax and wane in a symbiotic relationship, you always initiate.
We are equals.
We are a process.
We are always solid, no matter how I change.
Your hands are chiseled like a painter's, on my lower back.
I can fall into your comfort, secure you won't lead me astray.
Your eyes are brighter in the summer
dull in winter
an array of color in the fall
your breath, bricks and mortar, stay constant amidst the traffic in your mind.
and I run to your warmth, after days, nights, afternoons
willing to succomb to your offerings...
Yes, I'm dating you Chicago, it's been almost 5 years.
I think I'm in love.

"I beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now. perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer...." Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Bending Lucidity: A Dancer's Thoughts

(Kent State University, 2001)

Three hours a week

approaching rehearsals with pure involvement.

Anything less is unacceptable.

We dance.

Hitting the floor with conviction

using a facade entitled 'effortless.'

The music rings loud in our ears and pumps motivation straight to our joints,

challenging our mental agility.

B R E A T H E

I am a dancer.

Push. Lift. Jump.

Faster. Harder. Higher.

Authentic bliss.

We are synergy, creating this explosive experience.

The relationship with my Gatorade bottle is strictly co-dependent.

Performance time.

We grasp our inner knowledge and

remember the continuous puddles of sweat that decorated the studio floor.

Rehearsals would never end.

"One more time, do it!"

Once our enemy, now our beloved friend.

The stage is black.

We will light it.

B R E A T H E

I am a dancer.

The curtain goes up.

Sound penetrates eardrums in the concentric circle of ascension and descension.

A prayer to bring volcanic propulsions to this work.

Here we go...

Flow

roll

I am lifted, traveling through space

my solo is next.

Downstage is mine!

I give to the onlookers, the art form.

New movements make previous ones intangible,

gone forever.

Sweat pouring

forced attention to intricate muscle groups

seven and a half minutes of solid intuition.

Rapid movement,

what next?

My body remembers

continuing the physical conversation

with the other beings.

We fascinate you.

B R E A T H E

I am a dancer.

Push, faster.

Jump, harder.

Lift, higher.

My cardiovascular endurance in a state of reality check.

Hit the ground

melt into the floor

Oh yeah, that lift!

I extend

We dance

I find you onstage

and feel your energy.

Are you tired too?

The audience views only tranquility.

Success.

Solo

Duet

Trio

Quartet

Unison

Wait, which part?

Oh yeah, let's go!

B R E A T H E

I am a dancer.

Almost there

halfway through

the gift is not over.

Barrel turn, fly!

The floor, ahh...

if I could stay here, would I?

Lift.

I jump.

You jump.

We're in this together.

The finale beckons at our feet.

Ok, let's do this!

Unison

Hit the floor with exhaustion

we see the weavings suspended above us.

They provide the thesis of the piece:

Bending spines

Rolling

Melting

Intertwining

Final prayer, that we portrayed the images he wanted.

Last night's strengths were built upon.

The art continues more perfectly.

B R E A T H E

I am a dancer.

I pushed faster.

Jumped harder.

Lifted higher.

Lights fade.

Audience erupts.

I calm my accelerated panting

and smile.

I drop my torso for the bow.

E X H A L E

Aquarius: The Water Bearer.

Air=Movement.

Traits

Humanitarian
Inventive
Creative
Artistic
Individualistic
Original
Progressive
Independent
Tolerant
Logical
Intellectual
Altruistic

Temperamental
Eccentric
Radical
Impersonal
Rebellious
Unpredictable
Fixed in opinions
Shy (uh, not this aquarius)

Likes:

fighting for causes

dreaming and planning for the future

thinking of the past

good companions

having fun

independence

projects

Dislikes:

full of air promises

excessive loneliness

the ordinary

imitations

Tissue

The wind still blows there
doors still revolve
the plants have grown over,
showing new signs of green...
----------------------------
There are remnants, leftovers
but they have passed...
the night the world felt shaken
situation saturated
and saturated
and saturated...
till there was no breath...
-----------------------------
They've moved forwards
on and on
new places
deeper senses
new conversations
greater planes and horizons...
levity of character, spirit.
-----------------------------
And yet, the traffic still moves
the lights turn
snow falls
and the place, the space in time
still exists...
pedestrians walk by, never knowing...
because the situation has overgrown with time...

Lead by Example
(Chicago, 2002)

a phrase of accountability
a mantra.
a realization that others are watching, even when they don't know it...
a chance to put positive energy back into depleted situations.
a reason to be yourself.
an act of kindness.
freedom for individuality, the ability to capatilize on clarity...
a need to hear your own voice, and stir other's eardrums,
without saying a word.
a clever response to any given situation...
an influence in any moment to do good.
a choice...to grow.